Well, I wanted to write something profound but still positive. I can't. And I mean that in the most literal and defeated way one could mean 'I can't.' But maybe it would be more honest if I changed that phrase to 'I won't.' Because I simply won't anymore.
I can do art. I won't do art.
The difference is clear and makes the message all the more heart wrenching for me. But if I am going to be truthful, I have to say the words that have been reverberating around my mind, body and soul for a year now.
Some have taken stock of my lack of art output. I tried to save myself through creating several new closed species, I tried to rejoin some Sailor Moon groups and RPs, I opened a Redbubble shop, and I even attempted to resurrect my artistic spirit by going all in to some species new to me that really got me excited (they really did and still do!).
It failed. Or maybe I failed. I don't know.
At the end of the day, I get no enjoyment from doing art anymore. Not even art for me. I spit that out quickly because so many people think that if I do art for ME that all my art problems will be cured. It sadly is not so. If ever there was a way to get a message across, I'd like to get the message that I have tried.
Art has swiftly become a source of panic and anxiety. What once helped keep those two devils at bay has now become the open door to tragedy and overwhelming feelings of doom. And I don't know when or why that changed. It just changed.
I'm not sorry. I am not even sad about it anymore if you'd like to know. People change to include what makes them happy. And I have plenty surrounding me to keep me happy. Art just isn't in the kit anymore as a regular tool I will utilize or create with. Maybe with time that will change, but today, tomorrow, and the near future is just me chilling without creating art.
Do I still do art? From time to time, yes. Will I post it when I do it? Yes! Of course! But commissions will remain closed for the foreseeable future for the obvious fact that if I can't force out art for me, I can't do it for a paying customer. This website will also remain with all content readily available in the event that things change in the future.
And I am still going to be around in the art community! I love art - just not creating it. I will cheer you all on from the sidelines, I will commission you for art of my precious characters, and I will cast vote after vote for your magnificent artworks to win many contests!
"I am okay. I love you all. Thank you for the many years of support and friendship you have given me through all my ups and downs."