A red-letter day… well maybe not haha! I saw my new therapist, and she was a little jarred at not being greeted or even smiled at (apparently not normal). Long story short, my emotions are flatlined on the one medicine I am on, so we are walking me off of it while slowly building up on a former one that didn’t have such a severed side-effect.
Living a life where your emotions are basically nerfed is exhausting. I have to force every possible social interaction to appear normal or make it so people don’t think I am angry or upset or whatever. Not crying, smiling, talking loud enough for people to hear me, eye-contact, following along with a conversation, and more simply exhausted me to a point of near-meltdown into depression. The decision to come off this medicine could have come sooner but better now then never!
At three days off the full dose, I am smiling more and it’s natural! I feel up beat and bordering on vibrant again! I am laughing more!!! I love to laugh! I had forgotten how much I enjoy laughing… My eyes are difficult to keep open, and I am able to follow more closely with conversations. It’s great to hear people tell me how nice it is that I participate more in conversation! Three days and already a huge difference just in social interactions.
Add to that it was easier to get up this morning. While I am still lethargic, restless, and feel like a sinking stone when falling asleep, the effects are lessened which is a huge improvement. Waking is easier when your whole body doesn’t feel like it’s filled with lead. I can’t wait to see how I feel at the end of the week! It can only get better! And when I am completely OFF the meds?! Yeah, that will be epic!
As a PSA to anyone suffering from any kind of illness, mental or otherwise, don’t be me and wait months to get a med that is clearly not working adjusted. Be proactive in your care and in your medicine(s). It will be worth it when your quality of life isn’t swallowed by a wonky med.