Monthly Archives: April 2016

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Out of the Darkness

Hello everyone. Long time no see! So lots of changes in the last… year. Yes, it has been almost a year. Let me explain why it has been a year since I have done anything productive…

I suffer from a few disorders: Bipolar, Anxiety, BPD, Mood Disorder, and panic attacks. And in the last year, my bipolar depression was triggered and exacerbated from a medication I was on. The struggle was intense. I pulled through and made it out of the darkness in one piece. I am still living through some effects of the last year. Lots of things more than annoy me that never bothered me before. More things are triggering for me – I cry at random still and don’t know why all the time. But I am out of the woods and in the light again. And it feels GREAT!

My family and my lovely daughter were a huge help to me (and still are). My friends (online and those right here beside me) were amazing and supportive too and still cheer me on daily. I am currently motivating myself back into action one item at a time. Drawing, photography, design, music – everything is interesting me again, and I feel like my old self again! Yes, I am working through more triggers than I had before (and have some other issues to deal with like a lack of a job and income issues) which makes this a slower process than it has been in the past, but life is so worth being trapped in my head with this utter madness and mental clutter again!

With all that said, I have finally updated both of my websites: this one and SMAU. Because of the overwhelmed feeling I was getting, I am now only on my own two websites, Facebook, and Twitter. For health reasons, I have quit Tumblr, deviantART, Patreon, and a few other online networks I was part of. I will also be abandoning many of my stores and only staying with Teepublic and Redbubble. The line of merchandise available is going to be significantly reduced as well. In addition, I have for sale a lot of my former SM OCs as I got too overwhelmed keeping up with different storylines and groups. I also now moderate many fewer pages on Facebook.

In writing, it kind of looks like I just gave up. In reality, I feel free now to do more things I enjoy instead of just art, art, art. I am back happily enjoying my games (Seven Knights, Aion, DnD, and Pokemon), working on my own OCs, photographing nature, and of course seeing my doctors to make sure I stay happy and healthy (and avoid any kind of relapse because that would be a million steps backwards). My daughter and I now have more quality time together, I have time also for the rest of my family and nearby friends, and I find it is much easier to stay in contact with long-distance friends when I am not spread so thin. All-in-all I made many hard decisions that are ultimately helping me (and I think I can safely say I made the right decisions for me and my family!).

So for now, I am taking it slow. I am working up to new material. In the meantime, I hope to start uploading a steady stream of old photos re-processed with new techniques I enjoy and plan to stick with… random drawings here and there I did just for the giggles or because I was inspired at random (like the below piece haha)… and some blogs to update you all on how I am doing as I progress through this phase in my life.

That is all for now. Until next time, stay happy! <3

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My first drawing in a year – a random Pokemon Trainer OC – done traditionally to boot! Weird lol

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